did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
