I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
