don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
