so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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