She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
