it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
how do flat chested girls get laid?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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