I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Randomize