You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
