i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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