Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
