Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
