Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
