I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
