Whod you bang
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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