I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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