They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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