Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
