I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
My vagina just recognized that song.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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