i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
