I think I am morally bankrupt
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
