Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
