I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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