I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
