I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
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