I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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