Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Randomize