Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
