I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
