Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
