Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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