Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I look excited, but its just a facade.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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