Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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