They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
