epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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