if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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