dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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