I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
