Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
