i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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