Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Randomize
