i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
