we made out on top of his cat.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
