I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
