whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
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