hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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