saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
