hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
