I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
