The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
