your room smells of hookers.
And success
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
What changed your mind?
Being sober
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
