i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize