my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
