They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
