I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
