i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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