So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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