he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
