I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
