I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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