whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
