she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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