I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
