I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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