remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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