So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
being pregnant is like rehab
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize