I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
