Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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