I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
