White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Randomize
