RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
