yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
