there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
