I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
