New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
