erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Welp...herpes.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
i think im in europe. pls send help
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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