You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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