Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i just google imaged poop.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
