I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
