mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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