Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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