I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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