TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
