hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
