Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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