Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
