Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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