My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
