i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
