***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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