im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
