Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
