i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
