please come you make the beer taste better
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
