Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize