What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
