dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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