somebody snuck up and got me drunk
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize