Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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