the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
