im gay
i know
yea but for you.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
