The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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