I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
