is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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